Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Face of My Beast

This is a picture that I found and decided to use as the Face of My Beast. I've made copies and am going to post them in areas that I might go trolling for food. I will also carry one with me in the car. The whole Devil thing has it's own connotation to it and the huge belly in this picture captures how I feel right now. I know I'm making positive changes but the feelings are still there right now.

I will fight this Beast and I WILL WIN!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Things continue to go well - 5/26/09

My weight has been steadily dropping because I've been eating right and I've been exercising (both weights and aerobics). I've been loving my Flex 4 lifting workouts. They are short but intense so it is very easy to work it into my schedule.

As I said, my weight has been dropping, I'm down to 152#. The only part that is a little frustrating is the Club Bucks program at LL. I can't remember if I've mentioned them before but you gain points by working the program correctly. It goes into a lot of detail that I won't discuss here but the better the follow the program, the more points you earn. They begin over every Tuesday morning. Well, last week I was the leader in points until Sunday and then all of a sudden there were 2 people ahead of me (tied with each other with about 3 points more than me). Now, I know I did really well but I'm kind of frustrated because I don't know what more I could have done and I'm wondering if there are just weeks when you won't be able to win ( because you aren't reaching a goal at that particular moment).

Nevertheless, I will be working my hardest to be on top of that list!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Today has gone well 5/21/09

I'm very pleased with the way the past couple of days have gone. My eating has been better and I've been doing well with my exercise. I recently purchased the Flex 4 workout series from Muscle Audio and it is really helping with my resistance training sessions - I'm actually doing them! LOL!!

Seriously though, the audio helps keep you on tempo and works with a program at LL called the Muscle Professor (MP). The MP takes your lifting weights and progresses your weights and reps so that you can make steady gains and not just lift the same weights for the same reps for month after month after month.

Today I ran 4 miles and since it only took 35 to 40 minutes I decided to make sure I did another 20 minutes on my bike. It took me until 7:30 this evening to get on my bike but I did it!

On a different note, my "baby" graduates from Kindergarten tomorrow. I use the word graduates because he is actually leaving his current school. For the past 4 years, my son has been going to school where I work. Starting next fall, I will no longer have a child coming with me to school - it is going to be strange!

Off to make my plan for tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Here We Go Again!

I am yet again finding that I have been away for a very long time. I've been through a lot of weight gain (getting up to 160#) and illnesses. The last illness was a very strange one - I think it may have been Fifth Disease which manifested itself as an extremely itchy rash and sore and swollen joints.

Thankfully, that has cleared up and my weight is on its way downward. I've learned that when I'm not active on LL, I gain weight very easily. When I'm active on the LL site thinks really tend to fall into place. It is never easy and I'm not sure it ever will be, but things at least make sense. The other nice thing is that school is almost over so I'll have more training time and hopefully I'll be able to get the kids out on some trails and then hit the pool. I'm really looking forward to it - the kids are becoming more independent and I'm hoping this will make this summer a bit more relaxing (especially at the pool).

I'm still, as always, trying to figure out my "WHY". I know part of it is that I just don't feel good where I am right now. However, I've felt this way for quite some time and it has never been a driving force for me. I've read, and listened to Coach David, about how a good strong WHY just drives you to your destination. I makes you find solutions instead of giving in to those bouts of emotional eating and truthfully I would love to have that feeling. I know that no one can give me the answers about my WHY because it is just that - MY why. So as I figure it out, I will post it here. Until then, I will just keep taking things one day at a time.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

4/14/09 - Trail running in the rain???

NOPE - we chickened out! However, it did allow me to do something that I haven't done in a very long time. I actually worked out in a gym. My friend took me into her gym as a guest and I completed 1 hour on the elliptical machine. It was hard and boy did I sweat like a pig! I tried lots of different resistances and elevations. I have a feeling my butt is going to be quite sore tomorrow!

It was a lot of fun but I'm hoping to get back out to the trails in the next couple of days. I'm not sure what tomorrow's weather will bring - some reports are calling for rain and some aren't. My friends are running in the morning but if it isn't raining in the afternoon I may try to get out on some different trails on my own. Thursday is supposed to be nice and a group of us are going to try and get out in the early am for about 7 miles (I hope!).

I also got my lifting completed for the day and will do different body parts tomorrow. I was supposed to lift yesterday but I messed up my timing over the course of the day.

Eating has been only OK today. I need to get to the farmer's market and make some more bars so that I have my supply ready and on hand.

Different topic - my daughter has been having trouble seeing the board at school recently. I think she may be nearsighted. I called the eye doctor and he was booked until the end of June! The guy is good and his schedule reflects as much. My son when to him for a different situation a couple of years ago and he is wonderful. Luckily, the receptionist wiggled us in for an appointment tomorrow. The "bad" thing is that the kids are supposed to be spending some time with their grandparents and I sort of feel bad about taking them away. The "good" things are that my parents were going to be in the area tomorrow anyway AND that I get a chance to get her in right away. She reads so much, and loves to do so, that I would hate to having something seriously wrong.

Update more tomorrow!

Monday, April 13, 2009


I had an awesome run this morning!!!

My friend and I ran a new route (for me anyway). There were lots of hills and we covered 7.5 miles in about 1:15. I still have to get my lifting finished but I'm pleased with the way things have gone today. My eating has been good although I need to get some more water.

I have a dentist appointment (along with the kids) tomorrow. The last 2 haven't been great so of course I'm starting to worry about this one. I don't feel like I changed my habits but I went from no cavities for about 12 years to having one and then having a filling messed up. The filling was actually the one I had done the visit before and something didn't take so, in reality, I didn't really have anything "wrong" the last visit but I still had to go back for filling work. Just doesn't sit well with me! The kids don't have any cavities so they are looking forward to the visit. They only know that they get "presents" (toothbrush and stickers) when they go - I hope it stays that way!!!

Off to finish my exercising and get dinner started!

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Things worked out pretty well this morning. For the past few days they have been calling for rain on both Friday and Saturday. Yesterday ended up being beautiful for a good portion of the day. I woke up this morning hoping that the rain would hold off long enough to get our run in. I was quite please to find no rain when I got up so my friend and I headed off for our run. We had finished about 4 miles when we felt the first rain drop. We decided we would go for about 6 miles. Unfortunately for us, the last 1.5 miles was finished in a pretty heavy rain and stiff wind. The 6 miles took us about an hour and I am very pleased with the time and the effort!

This run put me at 34 miles for the week. I am thrilled with that effort. I was also able to finish 3 RT sessions. I will take tomorrow off (Easter Sunday) and then run and lift again on Monday. My weight was down to 153 this morning. Saturdays are always a challenge for my eating so my goal today is to avoid the donuts at breakfast and really concentrate on sticking to my plan.

Friday, April 10, 2009


It has been a few days since I've posted but things have been OK - not perfect but I feel like I have been taking more forward steps than backward ones.

I've consistently been getting 2-3 RT sessions in per week. This past week has been wonderful in terms of my running. I've gotten out for some trail runs - which was AWESOME - and logged 28 miles and haven't even done my long run for the week. It has felt so good to get back into the rhythm and to feel normal again.

I am slowly trying to get back into the nutritional rhythm. As I said above, it is happening slowly but I do feel like I can make more positive changes. I want this to become lifestyle and not a struggle. I'll be honest, there are times I really wonder whether that will EVER happen but that is all part of the challenge I guess.

As an update, I'm down to 153.5# and will try to update this stat regularly.

Have a Happy Easter everyone!

Thursday, April 02, 2009


7:33 am

I am really encouraged by the way things are going this week. Since Monday, I've been able to get in 2 lifting sessions and 2 runs. In addition, my weight has dropped down 152.5! I'm under no illusion that it is fat weight but I'll take water weight drops as well as fat weight drops at this stage of the game!

I had a good run this morning - made my goal of running at least 5 miles. The weather is even getting a bit warmer so things are GOOD!

When I'm in Action Phase, NOTHING can or will stop me from reaching my goals!!

1:30 pm

I've been struggling with some cravings this afternoon but I've been able to stick to my plan. I've been trying to repeat the above statement any time I feel like I might be slipping. As I stated this morning, I've dropped a number of pounds over the past week which makes this a very dangerous time for me. I usually do really well for a couple of weeks and then I get complacent. This then leads to some extra nibbles here etc. All leading back to the fact that I haven't fully committed to the program.

When I'm in Action Phase, NOTHING can or will stop me from reaching my goals!!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April 1. 2009

No April Fools Jokes here!

I am going to try to type short little bursts here because I find it difficult to sit for long periods and type entries (consistently at least). So, my hope is that I will consistently type entries if they are just short bursts.

7:15 am
I got up this morning at 4 am and was lifting by 4:45 am. It usually takes me a bit to get going enough to lift - I don't seem to have that problem with my running. Anyway, it was a good session (I'm doing the Afterburn program - 1st phase). I found myself quite light-headed at times and even nauseous a couple of times. I'm not sure if I should eat before I lift or not.

That's it for now - off to school.

8:38 pm
Today has been a very good day! Not perfect but that was not my goal. My nutrition was good today (couple extra things) and my mindset was pretty positive for most of the day. I was not able to get in any cardio but I am very pleased with how today progressed. I'm off to make some goals for tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

It's Been Ages!

I feel as though I've been doing a lot of drifting lately! My nutrition has been hit and miss, my health hasn't been all that great (wasn't able to exercise for about 3 weeks because of illness) and I've just not felt excited about much of anything. Many hours have been spent watching TV instead of doing anything remotely constructive and it is time for that to change!

Yesterday I worked on my new and updated "WHY" and will post it here. I want and need accountability but mostly I need to find the strength inside of me to fully commit to the LL and make it's principles a part of my DAILY living! WARNING: my "WHY" is pretty long but here it is anyway:

Why Now?
I’ve just looked back at my last “WHY”, which was written last July while I was in LLE. It talked about wanting to run a 3:50 marathon and how doing that would be easier at 130-135 than it would at 154 pounds. The funny thing is – I am again about 154 pounds and I’m just as displeased with the weight now as I was then. So the question now becomes, if I’m so displeased with the weight, why am I not dropping the pounds and then maintaining that lower weight? I’m not sure I have an answer to that question and to be honest, writing this “WHY” (each and every time I write one in fact) seems to give me as much trouble as keeping my eating clean.
In many aspects of my life, people have told me that I’m a perfectionist and that I’m a Type A personality. I’ve never considered this to be the case but maybe it is true. “If I can’t be perfect with my eating then I won’t pay any attention to it at all”. The funny thing is, other than making sure I run at 4:45 in the morning I don’t think I view my running the same way I view my food. We’ve discussed this type of thinking during our runs but haven’t really come up with any answers.
In addition to being a perfectionist, I’m also a people pleaser and quite content to stay back in the crowd. I do not like confrontations (I may hurt the other person’s feelings) and I’ve never been the one who stood out - I’ve always been the steady and dependable one content to stay in the background.
I now feel that these 2 factors have had a negative effect on my self-esteem. My self-esteem isn’t so low that I hate myself or anything like that but it has caused me to view myself as something less than “special”.
These feeling need to change – I need to transform my body and my mind. I am living a life that God did not intend for me. I need to become the person that He created me to be – “SPECIAL!”

Bring on the Pain!
I really can’t recall “missing-out” on things. I’ve been a part of many wonderful teams and groups – I’ve always been a great team player. Being a part of those groups gave me some of my fondest memories.
My “pain” starts more in the present. I have recently gone through a “who cares” phase and during this phase I added a good 10-15 pounds. So, there is a great deal of poor self-talk that usually accompanies those types of situations: “Great job…all that hard work last year and you threw it all away!” To go along with the increased weight you also have a clothes issue. Many of my clothes do not fit (although it is, at present, getting better) – every time I try to put them on I’m reminded of what a “failure” I am. These feelings and situations are not acceptable and will no longer be tolerated!
I’ve also come to realize that I usually try and take the easy way out of things and I’m coming to realize that this is a character trait that I do not like and one that needs to change. I was about to write that this is true with my nutrition only but who am I trying to kid? I have not been putting the effort out into my exercise programs either. Resistance training is not easy so I have not been performing it regularly! Keeping my eating according to plan during the afternoon is not easy so I have not been sticking to my plan! The truth is, there are many aspects of my life where these traits hold true – I take the easy way out or the short cut.
Finally, I have determined that I have NEVER fully committed to this program. I have not put the Six Strategies into practice and as a result I have not seen the results that I should have seen. This has also not allowed me to make this a part of my life and has kept it as a “program” or a “diet”.

Who else is impacted?
My family is definitely impacted by my current actions as well as by my future actions. My current actions are forming patterns in my kids. If they see me eating junk, they will do the same. Conversely, if they see me eating healthy, fresh foods in the correct portion sizes, they will follow that example as well.
As I start putting my needs first, they will be affected by that as well. It probably won’t be comfortable and in some cases I’m sure I’ll get resistance. That can not and will not stop me!
I am a preschool teacher and one of my responsibilities is teaching our school’s gym classes. I therefore have an opportunity to influence a rather large number of people. I am a very active person so I already get many comments from my co-workers who are amazed at just how much energy I have. I have tried to be a positive influence on their lives so that they can in turn, take it home to their families. However, I feel that my best opportunity is with the 100 children in our school. Children are sponges, at this age, and it is very important to me that I lead them in the right direction – one that will lead them to a happy, healthy and active lifestyle!

Bring on the Pleasure!
Fully committing to something will be a new experience for me and one that I’m sure will bring me pleasures that I can’t even imagine! I know I will feel better physically and emotionally. In addition, my running will also improve! However, there is something much more important to be gained from this journey – self-respect! I will know that I not only set a goal but that I also made sure that I trusted and loved myself enough to make the best choices that I had available to me. As long as that process is occurring, the weight loss becomes a secondary outcome. I am becoming a better person on the inside which will eventually manifest itself on the outside.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Monday, February 09, 2009

Fell off the wagon

Things have been tough lately and I accept full responsibility for my actions. I hate when I start making great forward progress and then sabotage myself. I've lost count of how many times I've done it.

I've been spiralling out of control for the past week or so and am beginning again today. I was really sick this weekend and allowed my eating to go crazy. I've felt very bloated on top of all the achy feelings from the cold. It made for a pretty crappy weekend.

I just wish I could figure out why I do it! If I knew why, I could head it off at the pass. I'm listening to my LL MP3s again and hope to get things back on track. Gotta get off the computer - until next time!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

January 25, 2009

Usually when I've not been blogging it is because I haven't been following my plan - not this time! This is especially significant because there has been a fair amount of stress around here the past few days. We found out on Thursday that my husband's truck needs a new engine and it is going to cost a boat load of money! This on top of the already strained finances and it has been a rough go lately.

The good news - I have not allowed it to spiral out of control and into an eating frenzy! I have even dropped my weight down to 154 as of this morning which, I believe, is 2 pounds ahead of schedule. I haven't been perfect but I've been pretty darn good and I've kept up my exercise. I'm finding it difficult to do a lot of lifting (especially intense lifting) because of my neck - the tightness and soreness just isn't going away - so I've improvised. I've been doing my lower body exercises on the Bosu ball. That way I can keep my weights lighter but I'm adding a significant balance element (or lack of balance element). For my upper body I've just been keeping my weights light and my reps higher.

I may not be able to get my measurements done in the morning but I want to get them taken sometime tomorrow. One thought I've been tossing around for the measurements is to take them on Fridays. I don't run on Friday and it might be easier to go that route - something to think about! I have lots of work to get done so I'm signing off!

Honor Yourself!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

January 20, 2009

It is almost 1 pm and the day has been going great! I got out for a VERY cold run this morning. I had hoped for 6 miles but settled for a little over 5 because it was so cold.

I have also vowed to myself that I will keep to my planned meals perfectly today. I inputted my meal plan last night and printed it out and so far I'm 100% on track. This is something that I'm not sure I've actually ever accomplished here at LL. I tend to make small changes here and small changes there and then if you honestly look back on the day, much of the plan was thrown out the window.

It is now almost 8 pm and I've done well today! I did have to change one meal because I didn't budget my time well this afternoon. The good part was that I exchanged it with a healthy alternative (protein smoothie for protein pancakes). I have one more meal and then I'm done for the day. I'm looking forward to seeing downward movement on the scale in the morning!

Off to plan tomorrow's meals!

Honor yourself.

Monday, January 19, 2009

January 19, 2009

No school today because of the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday! It's nice to be able to get on and feel like I have ample time to scan my favorite blogs and get an entry in!

Yesterday was a really crazy day - I slept a lot! I actually slept until 7 am, which is really late for me but then I fell back asleep and got up at 8:30! I went down and ate breakfast and the kids started playing MarioKart. I didn't want to watch it so I went upstairs to watch something I wanted and wouldn't you know it, I fell back asleep and slept for another hour and a half. That is really NOT like me but since I'm fighting a cold, I just let it happen. I guess my body needed it!

However, today has been different! I woke up at 4 am and met my friends for a run. I was looking forward to the hilly loop we usually do on Mondays. However, some new friends showed up and were up for that course so we ran another one which is about 5.5 miles long with one medium hill. I think we will probably do the hilly course tomorrow. Then I came home and did some light resistance training and ab work on the BOSU ball. I'm afraid to do much heavy "stuff" because of my neck - the spasm is still hanging around and I don't want to make it worse!!!!!!!!

I've been doing OK with my weight loss. I've averaged about 1 pound loss per week which is my goal but I would love to get ahead of the game! I am the reason - I've not always been great on my meal plans. I take full responsibility because I am in control of my choices and my emotions. I eat nutritious food to fuel my body and to keep myself healthy and energetic! Here's to the power of positive self-talk! Today has been good so far and it will soon be time for my next meal which will consist of protein packed pancakes (leftover from yesterday).

My neck is starting to bother me so I'm going to get in the shower and let the hot water loosen up the muscles. Have a great day and stay true to your goals and yourself!

Honor Yourself

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

January 13, 2009 & Jan. 14th

I'm kind of viewing today as a Day 1 of sorts. I really felt like I had a different attitude and in this situation, different is GOOD!

I have done much better with my eating today and I accomplished my workout goal of running 6 miles this morning. I was also able to get in 10 minutes of resistance training. I know it isn't much but it is more than I've done in a while and I'm viewing it as a step in the right direction.

I started this post yesterday but my hubby turned off the computer so I'm combining these 2 days. Today has not been a great day because I woke up with a bad neck spasm. When I get these there is no way I can exercise (yawning hurts!). I've been taking Advil and I've had on a heat patch all day. I am really hoping that it will subside enough by tomorrow that I'll be able to meet the others for our run.

Neck hurts sitting in the chair so I'm done!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Good and Bad

I fell into the trap again! My eating has not been good since the last post so what do I do? I stay away!! Sure, I've been busy but who isn't - and, at least for me, it's an excuse and a bull-crap one at that. One of my goals for today was to post so here I am.

I took my measurements this morning and they are not good:

Weight: 157.5
BF %: 34.8%
Upper Chest 37.5 in
Chest: 39.75
Rib cage: 35
Waist: 39
Hips: 40
L. Thigh: 22
R. Thigh: 21.5
L. Calf: 14
R. Calf: 14

Just about every measurement went up and this is completely due to poor eating habits. I have continued to run most mornings. My lifting routine needs some work but that too is a work in progress.

Now some good: I came up what I think is a good leverage. I gave my boss my before pics (workout shorts and sports bra) in a sealed envelope and if I don't make my goal (147# by 3/30) she is to post them on our school bulletin board. So far, I'm on target although I know that I could be well ahead of the game if I stayed more strict with my eating. I continue to work at changing my overall eating habits so that it becomes a lifestyle and not a "diet".

More good news: I ran my first race of the year yesterday. It was the Icycle 10 Miler. My initial goal was to run it in 1:20:00 but since I had gained weight (instead of loosing it) I decided to alter my race expectations. I decided that 1:30:00 (9:00/mile) would be a good challenge to shoot for. Most of our training runs were no faster than 9:30 pace so dropping 30 seconds sounded like a good goal. The day was very cold and at times there was a strong wind. The course is also a very hilly course so there was a big challenge to be had. I ran with my friend Helenann and we were able to finish in 1:24:22 which is a pace of 8:17/mile. Needless to say, I am THRILLED with the time!

I'm looking forward to what will come next - I took the day off today (except for teaching my gym classes) but I'm looking forward to my run tomorrow. I think we are shooting for one of our hilly routes which will be a challenge this soon after the race but I know it is what I need. If the group wants to start going a bit faster I'm all for that too!

Until next time!