Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm Feeling Out-of-Control.....

....in many aspects of my life!

First, with my eating. Ever since my marathon, and maybe even a touch before, I have been absolutely awful with my eating! I've been eating things that I haven't touched in months and I'm just shoveling it in left and right. Every morning I wake up and tell myself that I'm going to have a clean day and by lunch it's already off track. I don't know how to get myself off this "treadmill" that I'm on but I know that I need to do something about it SOON!

Next, every Sunday I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with my family about going to church. My husband believes in God but does not attend church except on special occasions. I ask him to church but he will only "humor" me on days like Christmas and Easter. I also "fight" with my kids each week. My main wish, is that my family could attend services each week together and that we would all want to be there.

This weekend, that wish was seriously shaken. I asked my kids if they would go to church with me and they both said no and it hit me. I had honestly given up hope that my "dream" would ever come true. I keep telling myself that "all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me" but right now, with this situation, I'm not sure I believe it. Let me tell you, it is a bad place to be. I was in tears most of Sunday morning. I cried on the way to church and even during the service. I had no control over it and I just had this feeling that I couldn't shake. It is a work in progress!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Tomorrow it begins again

I have given myself a week to rest but tomorrow I am starting back up again. I have developed a bit of a cold so I want to take it easy but I WILL be exercising tomorrow. I will do an easy lifting session tomorrow and then an easy run on Tuesday. After that, I will see how I feel and hopefully keep on going.

I am also making a commitment to clean up my eating again. I have not been doing very well in that department and it is very important so tomorrow starts a new program for both my exercising and my nutrition!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Steamtown Marathon

Boy has it been a long time since I've put in an entry!

Well, I ran in the Steamtown Marathon last weekend and I didn't reach my goal of running a 3:50 marathon time. However, because of all the difficulty I had I'm pleased with my effort. I finished in a time of 4:32:59, which is about the same time I ran the MCM last year. The difference? I had to walk the last 5 miles of Steamtown.

I was running with my friends Helenann (who finished in about 4:05) and Cathy (who finished in about 4:12) and we were doing very well. The weather was beautiful and we felt great! Our time was right about where it needed to be through mile 18. I did have to stop for the bathroom twice in those first 18 miles which was not expected - I think I'm going to have to change my long run fuel source.

Like I said, at mile 18 we had to cross a chip timer and I was 4 minutes over my desired pace but feeling OK. I actually thought I just might be able to make up that time or at least come close. Then the wheels started to come off, so to speak. Somewhere between miles 20 and 21 I felt like my legs might want to cramp so I stopped for a second to do a little stretch. Of course, when I stretched my quad, my hamstring cramped - go figure! The cramps weren't too bad though and I got right back into the race. Then, shortly after passing mile 21 I turned a corner and got a VERY sharp pain in my right knee. The pain was enough to make me stop and walk a little. I thought that if I walked just a bit, maybe I could shake it off and still finish near the 4:00 mark - I would have been absolutely thrilled with that time. Unfortunately, I was not able to do much more running. I was completely unable to run any of the uphills, I could run a few steps on the flats but then the pain would really shut me down again and I could do some shuffling on the downhills.

I have to admit that quitting crossed my mind for about a millisecond but I told myself that it was not an option. I had put too many training hours in and Coach Mary (at LL) had helped me too much for me to not honor this commitment. I even put on my shirt PWE2 to help me remember what I was doing this for. I kept telling myself to stick with it and I would be a success - honoring commitments and keeping self-promises is the important part, not the time it takes you to cross the finish line. I will have other opportunities to run 3:50 marathons and that will be an awesome accomplishment. However, this one may actually mean more to me because I didn't give up even when parts of me really wanted to.

Anyway, I decided that I would walk until I reached the last downhill to the finish line. At that point I really wanted to run that last downhill. I was able to accomplish this and the rest is history as they say. I've taken this week off but want to get back into some easy runs this upcoming week. I've also let my nutrition slip a bit the past week and need to get back into that groove as well. I think I'm experiencing some of the depression (for lack of a better title) that I've read some people experience after a big event like this. Most of it has manifested itself in my inability to eat right this week. I just want to eat fatty, junky stuff and am having a really tough time getting the ship righted. I will do it though!

Remember, the journey is the important part and not how long it takes you to get there! Oh, and the Steamtown Marathon is a great marathon to run. If anyone reads this and is considering doing a marathon, I would highly recommend this one. It isn't easy but the scenery is breath-taking (leaves were in full color) and the race itself is well run and well supported!