Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm Feeling Out-of-Control.....

....in many aspects of my life!

First, with my eating. Ever since my marathon, and maybe even a touch before, I have been absolutely awful with my eating! I've been eating things that I haven't touched in months and I'm just shoveling it in left and right. Every morning I wake up and tell myself that I'm going to have a clean day and by lunch it's already off track. I don't know how to get myself off this "treadmill" that I'm on but I know that I need to do something about it SOON!

Next, every Sunday I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with my family about going to church. My husband believes in God but does not attend church except on special occasions. I ask him to church but he will only "humor" me on days like Christmas and Easter. I also "fight" with my kids each week. My main wish, is that my family could attend services each week together and that we would all want to be there.

This weekend, that wish was seriously shaken. I asked my kids if they would go to church with me and they both said no and it hit me. I had honestly given up hope that my "dream" would ever come true. I keep telling myself that "all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me" but right now, with this situation, I'm not sure I believe it. Let me tell you, it is a bad place to be. I was in tears most of Sunday morning. I cried on the way to church and even during the service. I had no control over it and I just had this feeling that I couldn't shake. It is a work in progress!


Julie said...

Oh Cheryl...- I SO know how you are feeling. I want so much for Steve to go to church with me. He is like your husband - special occasions. I want to share Christ in our lives and I know it is so hard to not be able to do that. I want a marriage where we learn and share an excitement about Jesus and it is so hard to not have that. I will be praying for you and your family!!!

Cheryl said...

Thanks Julie - I appreciate the prayers. I think the part that got to me the most was the hopeless feeling. I've known from the beginning that dh wasn't a church goer but Sunday, for the first time ever, I felt like it was a hopeless situation. I've never flet like that before - about anything!

Thanks again for your support!