Tuesday, June 26, 2007

What is my problem?!?!?!?!?!

I am so frustrated with myself! My workouts are going great - I feel good about how my running going but my eating has been - I'll be polite in my wording - pretty poor! I don't know what my problem is. I start every day with a plan and I usually get a good 3/4 of the way through the day just fine and then before I know it - BOOM! - I've messed up the day by eating like......(I'll let someone else fill in the blank).

I'm trying to stay positive but I feel like I've been struggling for months now. I just can't seem to get my eating on track. The good thing is that my exercising has been keeping my weight pretty constant. I'm between 140 and 142 but I want to be down around 130 (I would be happy between 130 and 135).

I don't even know how to put my frustration into words! How do I get out of this downward spiral? It is so easy to just say....just stop the bad actions....just don't do it anymore! I've been sitting here for the past 10 minutes or so looking at this page because I really don't know where to go from here. I know the important part is to NEVER give up trying and I won't but boy is it hard! It is wearing me down mentally. I keep putting myself down by saying things like: "This time last year I was in a groove, why can't I get that back?!"

I don't have any answers but I am going to take some action steps. I've done these before but I'm going to do them again!
  1. I'm going to write another "Why". This is something I learned about at LL - it is something I've struggled with in the past but I'm going to give it another shot.
  2. I'm making a new weight loss goal.
  3. I'm making a leverage - I'm taking $200 out of my account which has been created to save money so that I can become a LL Elite member. There is a little over $300 in the account so I'm taking a big chunk out of the account. I will withdraw this money and I will give it to someone to hold. If I don't make my goal this money will be donated (I'll determine where in a bit) and I will be that much further away from my Elite status.
  4. I'm going to make a daily, weekly and monthly goal and I will post it here for accountability.
  5. Finally, I will post a copy of this blog entry at LL so that I can get even more accountability and support.

I have lost a fair amount of weight since I started at LL over a year ago - I'm proud of my accomplishments! However, I have come to realize that even though I have changed on the outside I have yet to change on the inside. I have not been able to make this a lifestyle. I'm still making bad decisions and craving junk. I long for the day when the junk won't be a temptation. I don't know if I'll ever get to that point, but I hope and pray that the day will come - soon!

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