Thursday, February 01, 2007

I feel like I'm swimming upstream and not making any progress!

I started taking a class a couple of weeks ago and boy has it really messed up my schedule. The class is on Monday nights and is scheduled to end at 9:30 pm. Now, that may not sound very late but I normally go to bed between 9 and 9:30 each night. This past Monday, we didn't end class until about 9:45 and then I still had to drive home. I have felt exhausted all week. I'm sure it will get better over the next couple of weeks but in the meantime I've been struggling with getting my workouts done.

Overall, I'm just plain frustrated with myself. I've been able to drop my weight a bit over the past few days but I just don't feel good about myself right now. I spoke with Coach, at LL, the other day and he said something that really made me sit up and take notice. We were talking about leveraging and how hard it can be to come up with a good strong leverage. He listed many things that the "normal" woman might engage in and I don't do any of them. They were all things that someone would do just for themselves - make themselves feel better, prettier, more relaxed etc and I don't do any of them. I don't do things for me and it isn't because my husband won't let me or anything like that.

Why doesn't a person do things for themselves? Is it because they, deep down somewhere, don't like themselves? Don't think they deserve it? I always thought I liked myself but now I'm starting to wonder. I could just write this whole thing off and just go do something for me but will that really solve the problem? Is there a problem? Does anyone out there have an answer? Because I'm not sure I do.

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