Commitment and other ramblings

Let me start by saying that some of this may ramble and go off in who-knows-what direction so please bear with me.

What is Commitment?

1. To be responsible for.
2. To entrust; consign.
3. To place officially in custody, a confinement.
4. To pledge or obligate (oneself). This is the definition I am concerned with!

I have come to realize that commitment is something I have trouble with. That is......commitment to myself!

I recently listened to an interview with Curt King on the LL Blog Site. It really seemed to describe what I've been going through and I highly recommend you listen to it. He has made an amazing transformation and is reaping the benefits of all his hard work. It is where I want to be!

My goals are to run a 3:50 marathon at Steamtown (this would qualify me for Boston) and to weigh 135# while doing it. I am currently 155# and I honestly don't feel like I will be able to accomplish my race goal at my current weight. Yet, I can't seem to avoid eating those crappy carbs.

I'm running 30-35 miles per week and trying to do resistance training 2-3 times per week. And yet my weight continues to rise. There is a saying at Club Lifestyle: "You can not out run what you can potentially eat." I am living proof of that statement!

I have gotten myself to a weight that is uncomfortable. I feel bloated and my clothes don't fit. You would think all these factors together would be enough to get me back in the groove. However, that hasn't happened yet. This led me to the conclusion that I just have trouble making and keeping a commitment to myself. Is that nuts or what?!

I'll be honest - I don't have a solution to my problem and I feel like I'm in a very dangerous place. I'm standing on the proverbial fence. One side has me back on track - exercising hard and eating correctly. The other side has me saying "Who gives a f#@* - this is too dang hard and it isn't worth it!"

The other thing I don't understand is the fact that I honestly feel that fitness is a passion for me. But, if it is such a passion, why do I have trouble putting all the different aspects together? I truly want to get to a point where I view food as a fuel, which would allow me to say no when food is offered and it's not the correct time or food.

I don't have a great end for this post. I would love to be able to say that writing this has made things crystal clear and I now know what road I will take and how I'm going to get there. Unfortunately, I can't. I know what side of the fence I want to be on - I just don't know how to get there. Or, maybe I'm afraid to go there. Not sure why I'd be afraid of being healthier and looking better but on some level I'm sure it's there.

I don't know how many people actually read this blog but I would love to hear your comments. I also sincerely hope that this post could, in some way, help at least 1 person out there. It is worth it to strive for your best. It is hard but I have to believe that I will come out a better person physically, mentally and spiritually if I honor myself by committing to not only myself but also to a proven program. Leanness Lifestyle is that program! It's not easy but if you commit to it 100% it will take you farther than you could ever dream.

I'm going to take that first step right now - anybody want to join me?