Have I found an answer......?

I think I may have figured out why I've been feeling so weird about this race. I think my psyche is having trouble reconciling the run/walk technique with my competitiveness. When I run in a race, I've always tried to do my best and shoot for age group wins/placings. Now I've started doing this run/walk technique - I have really loved doing them on my long runs and I think it will be a necessity for this first marathon where my goal is to just finish. If, after the MCM, I decide to continue to run in marathons, one of my goals may be to run the whole thing and then eventually finish by a certain time, shoot for PRs etc. But for this first one it is just to finish and I think my brain will be OK with that technique during the race but for this one I'm struggling. I know I can run 10 miles and I always love to shoot for age group runs in my 15K in the fall (not all that much different in distance) so I think my head wants to do the same for this race. I'm actually thinking about combining the 2 attitudes: run the first half of the course using the run/walk technique and then for the last half of the race try to run it straight and see what time I can get. I'm just going to see how I feel tomorrow and go with it!

I was able to sit down and talk with Donna yesterday about Tim. The more I learn about what happened to him, the more it scares me. He has a condition called Primary Antiphospholipid Syndrome (PAPS) which is also called Hughes Syndrome. Basically what happens is the body produces antibodies that attach themselves to the fat cells in the body (the phospholipids) and together they cause clots to form in the body. The clots can form anywhere - his formed near his heart so he had a heart attack. It could have just as easily formed in his brain and he could have had a stroke. He was healthy and took great care of himself - he had no control over the situation. He was a ticking time bomb and never knew it. There are tests to check for the antibodies but, especially when there aren't any symptoms, it isn't something anyone would ever think to check for. Now that they know he has the condition, it is treatable but because of the damage it caused over the years, he needed the new heart and has all sorts of other problems to deal with. He is a very amazing person and I think I'm going to get a chance to meet him in a couple of weeks. I am VERY excited about that - I will also gather up more details about him and post that at a later date.

I'm (with the help of friends and family) coming up with many great ideas on how to raise money. I don't really know how many people actually read my blog, but if anyone out there reads this and is interested in helping Tim's cause please feel free to contact me and let me know. I will be creating a bank account under a name like "Run for Tim" so no one will have to worry about me keeping the money. That is actually something that has been worrying me - I don't want people to be afraid that I'm just going to take this money. Tim needs it so badly and I just want to help! I'm thinking about making some silicone bracelets and selling them as well as making up some T-shirts. The idea for the T-shirt is twofold - for those willing to donate a certain amount (haven't set the amount yet) they will get their names on the back of the shirt and receive a shirt and those that can't quite manage that level could just buy a basic shirt. No designs have been created or finalized yet but I'm excited about the idea (both of them).

I made Julie B's brownies yesterday and she was right they are AMAZING! They are most definitely going into the end of year gift packs. I'm stopping at a supply store today to get boxes and then will get them packaged up and out of the house as soon as I can! I can't imagine how many calories are in each piece - truth is, I don't want to know (LOL)!! The recipe says it makes 20 big brownies but I am cutting them up into little pieces because they are unbelievably rich and sweet.

I'm also going to pick up my race packet today. This is actually the first race that I will pick up the packet before the day of the race - just something else to add to the newness of the situation. I'm also taking my daughter to a birthday party today. She was invited to a roller skating party. Finally, my husband needs to go into work for a while in the early evening (I may have to leave the party a touch early in order to get home). Not really the nice restful day I would have planned on the day before a long race. But it is life and I love it!

Until tomorrow!