Saturday 1/27/07

Well, I hit my exercise minute goal this week and I hit my weight loss goal (early in the week) but since then the weight has gone up. As I posted yesterday, I'm really struggling with food and today won't be much better I'm afraid. Tomorrow is my 12 year anniversary and Bill and I are going out to dinner. I know that my celebrations shouldn't be based on food but we are going without the kids and it is our day so I'm going to eat without worrying about it and I will probably have dessert. As I sit here and type this I'm not really sure how I feel about this idea.

It has been a few hours since I started typing this post. I've decided that I will not go nuts at dinner. I'm going to enjoy the dinner and have dessert but I'm really going to try not to stuff myself - maybe only eat 1/2 of what is given to me.

I'm also toying with the idea of trying to just maintain my current weight for a while. I'm just a couple of pounds over my high school weight and I know that I look pretty good. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm frustrated right now because I truly want to lose weight or whether I'm just struggling with the concept of getting out of weight loss mode and into maintenance. In some ways, I feel like I need to continue to challenge myself but on the other hand I need to determine whether my weight is the challenge I need to deal with right now. There are many things going on in my life right now and maybe it would be a good time to concentrate on other things and then just work on maintaining the weight.

Coach Dave, at LL, has a program called ELITE. It costs a fair amount of money and I don't have it right now. I was thinking about saving my money over the next year and applying for the program next year. My thinking is this, if I can maintain my weight for the next year I will have a really good base at my current weight (since most people put all their weight on in the first year after losing the initial weight). My body will be used to this weight, and if I get into the intensive program my hope is that many of the "demons" I'm fighting now will not be as big a problem.

Boy am I of 2 minds about all this. I know I really need to find some sort of event or goal to shoot for. The problem hear is that I'm of 2 minds about that also. I've always been an endurance type athlete so I decided a while back that I would try to shift gears and go for muscle growth instead of a lot of distance running. The problem here is that there really isn't an event to train for (I don't have any desire to get on stage). I guess I could go back to training distance and I may do that as the weather gets warmer. A friend of mine from LL suggested that we could train for the same marathon and then run it together. I have to admit that running a marathon has always been a goal.

Boy have I done a lot of rambling here - lots of different thoughts. That is pretty much how my brain feels right now. I've got lots of ideas and thoughts and none of it is really messing together right now. I'm not really sure where all this is leading or where I'll end up but I will keep plugging along in one form or another.