Saturday 1/27/07

Well, I hit my exercise minute goal this week and I hit my weight loss goal (early in the week) but since then the weight has gone up. As I posted yesterday, I'm really struggling with food and today won't be much better I'm afraid. Tomorrow is my 12 year anniversary and Bill and I are going out to dinner. I know that my celebrations shouldn't be based on food but we are going without the kids and it is our day so I'm going to eat without worrying about it and I will probably have dessert. As I sit here and type this I'm not really sure how I feel about this idea.

It has been a few hours since I started typing this post. I've decided that I will not go nuts at dinner. I'm going to enjoy the dinner and have dessert but I'm really going to try not to stuff myself - maybe only eat 1/2 of what is given to me.

I'm also toying with the idea of trying to just maintain my current weight for a while. I'm just a couple of pounds over my high school weight and I know that I look pretty good. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm frustrated right now because I truly want to lose weight or whether I'm just struggling with the concept of getting out of weight loss mode and into maintenance. In some ways, I feel like I need to continue to challenge myself but on the other hand I need to determine whether my weight is the challenge I need to deal with right now. There are many things going on in my life right now and maybe it would be a good time to concentrate on other things and then just work on maintaining the weight.

Coach Dave, at LL, has a program called ELITE. It costs a fair amount of money and I don't have it right now. I was thinking about saving my money over the next year and applying for the program next year. My thinking is this, if I can maintain my weight for the next year I will have a really good base at my current weight (since most people put all their weight on in the first year after losing the initial weight). My body will be used to this weight, and if I get into the intensive program my hope is that many of the "demons" I'm fighting now will not be as big a problem.

Boy am I of 2 minds about all this. I know I really need to find some sort of event or goal to shoot for. The problem hear is that I'm of 2 minds about that also. I've always been an endurance type athlete so I decided a while back that I would try to shift gears and go for muscle growth instead of a lot of distance running. The problem here is that there really isn't an event to train for (I don't have any desire to get on stage). I guess I could go back to training distance and I may do that as the weather gets warmer. A friend of mine from LL suggested that we could train for the same marathon and then run it together. I have to admit that running a marathon has always been a goal.

Boy have I done a lot of rambling here - lots of different thoughts. That is pretty much how my brain feels right now. I've got lots of ideas and thoughts and none of it is really messing together right now. I'm not really sure where all this is leading or where I'll end up but I will keep plugging along in one form or another.

I'm Frustrated!

Let me start with the good - my RT workouts have been kick-butt! I'm stronger right now than I've ever been and I'm really striving, each and every workout to surpass what I did the day before. My CV workouts could be better but that usually happens during the winter months - it is so much harder to get motivated to go outside when the temperature is 12 degrees like it is this morning. I can accept that part because I know my CV will really rev up when the weather starts to warm-up a bit.

The bad part is my eating. It has always been my weaker point - I love the taste of junky food. I could easily sit and eat crap all day long. Yes, I plan my meals most days and even take meals to work with me. However, there are days when there is food at work that I eat (off plan) and days when I grab stuff at home (off plan). The worst part is that I know that I'm doing it and I do it anyway. Some people talk about having just a little nibble of "something" and before they realise what has happened - all of the "something" is gone. That isn't what is happening with me. I know I'm eating something I shouldn't and I tell myself: I don't care I'm going to eat it anyway. The problem is that I do care and I don't want to continue this cycle.

One side of me (the side that has written my current "why") wants to prove to myself that I can do something EXCELLENT. I would love to have the look of a cross between a fitness and a figure competitor. They both have such beautiful and sexy bodies. I love aspects of both of them. To do this, I'm sure I'd need to get my body fat down in the 13ish percent range. This would truly be EXCELLENT for me. But, the other side of me is telling me: "you're just a couple of pounds over the weight you were in high school & you look good in and out of clothes. Why do you want to put yourself through all the trouble of trying to get down that low - it's too much work...." yada, yada, yada.

I have this fight, in my head, each and every day. Add this too everything that I've got going on in my life right now and in many ways it is wearing me down. Who knows, maybe that is part of the reason that I tell myself that I don't care. I really don't have any answers here, I'm just babbling I guess.

The best part though is that I know, deep down in my soul, that regardless of what the answer is I will never stop living this lifestyle. I love how I feel when I'm working out and working out hard. Will I always have this struggle with food? I don't know but my gut says probably. This seems to be a very abrupt end to this entry but when you don't have any real answers is there any type of good ending?

Wednesday - Thursday (1/24-25)

Wednesday's are very busy these days. Immediately after work, I'm training a co-worker. She had pretty advanced arthritis (along with other physical challenges) and wants to get stronger so that she will be better able to play with her grandkids. It's been a while since I've worked with clients (I used to work in a fitness club/physical therapy clinic) but I'm LOVING it! It isn't bringing in a lot of money but it is a start. I would love to have a few more people to work with and maybe it will be a reality someday.

Anyway, after getting home from that, there was a lot to get done in a short amount of time. I was able to get my workouts finished but I had to do it in spurts. I did a couple of CV sessions on the bike and then did my lifting session, also in a couple of sessions. There just wasn't enough time, in a big chunk, to get it all done at once. I figured anything done, even if it had to be in small blocks of time is getting me closer to my goals.

Today is turning into the same type of day. I got a 20 minute run in this morning but had to come back to the house because my dh had to leave for work early (he had to be there at 6 am). I will try to get another session in this afternoon. The only thing that makes that hard is that I have a picture session at church for our directory. That appointment is at 5:50 pm so I'll really be scrambling around after dinner to get everyone ready. I have no idea how long the session will take - hopefully not long.

I've got to run and pick my daughter up from school. Later!!

I've been so busy lately!

I can't believe how crazy things have been lately. I've been doing well with my exercise sessions and my eating. I've gotten my weight down to 135.5 and am very pleased with my progress.

Hopefully I will be able to get on and write more later.

I'm still moving forward!

I had a rough day the other day but I didn't let it get me down or off my game. I just admitted that I slipped and got right back on my LL program the next day (slipped at night). I kept very clean the next day, drank all my water and had a great workout. The next time I got on the scale I had dropped 2 pounds. I'm now down to 136.5.

My days have been very busy and they are about to get busier. I'm starting an evening class on Monday. It has been quite some time since I took any classes so I'm a bit nervous but also a bit excited. It is a class I need for work and I've been told that it is going to be a lot of work. However, I'm hoping that it will really help me be a better teacher. The big down side to it is that it is going to last 20 weeks.

Speaking of busy - I've gotta run!

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN GOING GREAT!

I have been having an awesome week so far. I took this past weekend and worked on coming up with some very aggressive goals. Then from those goals, I was finally able to come up with a WHY that means something to me. I've even written some affirmations and put them on some 3x5 cards so that I can carry them with me.

I started my lifting program on Monday and will lift 3 times per week. My cardio will consist of mostly running. Since I want to try and gain some muscle I'm trying to run more interval sessions. My legs are pretty sore and tired so I don't know if I'll be able to do the intervals tomorrow but my goal is to do interval runs on Tuesday and Thursday and then do a moderately long run on Saturday. Since this is my first week I may ease off on the runs a bit this week and then pick up another interval session next week.

Tuesday's run was very intense. I ran for about 15 minutes or so and then did 10 hill repeats and then finished it with a 5 minute cool down. My legs are still quite tired and a bit sore (I'm sure from a combo of the running and the lifting). That is the main reason why I think I may just run tomorrow without intervals - I'll just wait and see how I feel tomorrow.

Eating has been very good too. I've managed to drop 2 pounds already and I'm feeling great about the whole situation. I have been a bit hungry the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it is because of the workouts or because my body is adjusting to the decreased calories. I don't know how many calories I was eating each day over the past couple of weeks but it is a heck of a lot more that I'm eating right now.

I also found out today that I got into the class I need for work. I didn't find out about it until late and when I called there was already a waiting list. Fortunately I was second on the list and got in. The class starts Monday and from what I understand it is going to be a lot of work. But, I'm looking forward to it!

Rambling Thoughts 1/12/07

As I sit down to start to write this entry, I’ve just gotten back from an exercise session. It wasn’t super intense – a fast paced walk – but it was a step in the right direction. It was also good for my head because I did a lot of thinking. I must also mention that this may be a bit long as well as scattered in flow. I would love to be able to just sit down and write the whole thing in one sitting. However, I have 2 kids and we all have to go to school (I teach at their school) so I’m writing this in segments.

For the past 7-8 months I have been in an Action Phase (described in more detail in the LL book). I dropped my weight down to the same weight I was in high school. During this period, I also had some immovable goal dates to shoot for. I didn’t realize, at the time, just how motivating they were. In October, I had my 15K race with a pretty ambitious time goal and shortly thereafter, I had my 20th High School Reunion that I wanted to look fabulous for. Then came November, these 2 dates were gone and the Holidays (which also happen to include the birthdays for both my kids) were right around the corner. I found myself without much in the way of goals and I was entering into the Maintenance Phase. This can be a very difficult phase as I’ve found out.

When I was in the Action Phase everything seemed to come so easily. Getting out to exercise was a snap and making proper food choices were no problem. I had my goals, they excited me, and I was going to reach them no matter what! Then came the Maintenance Phase. During this time, I had parties to go to and other parties to plan and throw. I was up late and not eating well. In short, I got out of all my “good” routines. It was at this time that I could really feel myself starting to lose my motivation and drive. I have been struggling to get it back ever since.

My weight has gone up to 140 (5 pounds over my high school weight) and I haven’t been able to really find a goal that excites me. In the beginning, it was all about getting rid of the weight (I started more that 20 pounds heavier than I am right now). I knew I was heavy, I knew I didn’t look good and I knew my clothes didn’t fit. All these things together were enough to light the fire and keep it burning bright! It’s different now. Yes, I’ve gained weight – there only 5 pounds to lose instead of 30 pounds – but since I’m not feeling as bad as when I first started, weight loss alone doesn’t seem to get me going.

I’ve also decided that I have a very hard time dealing with more than one major goal at a time. When I was in action, I pretty much focused on that and not much else. As a result, my house started to get messy and cluttered. Add on all the Christmas “stuff” and the house needed a lot of work. So, about a week or 2 ago, I started getting the house under control – that seemed to be the goal that was firing me up. See the connection? As I was getting fired up about my goal (the house), I was really struggling with the other goal (my fitness). I need to find a way to balance these 2 areas of my life.

Last night, I sat down and started to re-read the LL book – specifically the section on the phases of change. As I read, I decided that right now I’m in the Contemplation Phase (please see the LL book for further explanation – it is well worth the read!). I also came across some really great quotes:

“Action creates motivation, not the other way around.”
“Energy does not precede your Lifestyle choice. Energy succeeds your Lifestyle choice.”
“You have to start. Quit procrastinating!”
“If you want to change your body, start with a change in behavior.”
“It is important that you at least start the Lifestyle. Even if you are not totally ready in your mind.”
“…you don’t have to have the perfect plan to get going.”
You truly must act your way through the stages of change.”

Do I have everything figured out? No. Do I have everything set up and in perfect order for me to get started? No. I did however get out for some exercise this morning and my eating has been better today. I still have to find a goal that really excites me – something more than “just losing weight”. I also feel that I need to get a good handle on my “Why” – more on that to come.

Pictures, stats and other stuff

Wt = 137.5

% Fat = 15.8% (thigh: 13mm; Hip: 14mm; Tricep: 9.5mm)

Fat weight = 21.8#

FFM = 116.2#

I'm not sure that these numbers are completely accurate (I just don't feel like I'm as low as 15.8% fat) but it is a place to start. Measurements that are taken in the future will be taken in the same way so I will be able to compare the numbers.

I've had a good week of exercising. I finished all my max lifting sessions (I won't be lifting for the next week, as per the program, but I will do my CV sessions) and had some really good CV sessions. I got my Cathe DVD (Drill Max) and got to do part of that as well. I think I got through about 3/4 of the DVD. I'm hoping to do the entire workout tomorrow.

I've decided to try and get back to basics with my mental status. I'm trying to "start over". I've made myself a new journal and will really try to journal...STOP I will journal every day. I will plan every day and I will then follow that plan every day!

Today was going really well until this evening. A bunch of things happened and I gave into some stress eating. I'm also going to a friends house tomorrow and there is always a bunch of food when we go so I'm going to need to be VERY careful.

Off to make my plans and write in my journal!

Wednesday 1/3 - RT

Today was my 10 rep max test day. It was really tough, I even got stuck on my decline bench press. I realized after trying my first rep that there was no way I was going to be able to lift that weight. Unfortunately, at that point I was having a VERY hard time getting back up off the bench. The only other person in the house was my 4 yo son who obviously couldn't help. Then the phone starts to ring - figures doesn't it! Long story short, I got up without any major problems and dropped the weight down 5 pounds. I also wasn't able to do as many reps as I would have liked on most of my exercises. It was still all I had but there were a lot of sets that I couldn't even get to the 10 rep mark.

I will be having a spotter on Friday when I do my 5 rep session. That means that I will have to lift in the afternoon so that my dh can help me. I will post my session tomorrow - getting late.

Tuesday (1/2) - CV

Boy did I have a tough time getting going today. Luckily, I didn't have anywhere to go this morning so I took my time and got out when I had a bit more energy. I ran for about 4 miles and my pace was 8:11/mile. I'm pleased with the effort especially because I didn't feel like going out in the first place and because there was a lot of wind which always makes the run harder.

I'm not super sore today which surprises me a bit. I do "feel" it a bit in a couple of places - especially my hamstrings - but I thought it would be worse. I'll probably be sore later on in the week though because the reps go down and the weight goes up.

I'm going to take some pictures and some measurements today or tomorrow so that I have something to compare to later on down the road. I'll be interested to see what the numbers are because I haven't taken any in a while and I haven't been eating all that great over the holidays. I'll try to post them after I take them.

New Year - New Workout!

Today I started my HST program. Today's workout was a max test day for 15 reps. It was pretty hard but there were a couple of exercises I thought I could have done a touch more weight. Tomorrow will be a cardio day. My workout was as follows:

Dumbbell rows: 25# for 18 reps (need more weight here)
Barbell rows: 25# for 18 reps (using EZ curl bar with 25s on each side)
Decline bench: 35# for 15 reps
Incline bench: 30# for 15 reps
Lying tricep ext.: 15# for 18 reps ( using EZ curl bar with 15s on each side)
Dumbbell bicep curls: 25# for 13 reps
Dumbbell squats: 45# for 18 reps (45s in each hand)
Dumbbell stiff-leg. deadlift: 45# for 17 reps (45s in each hand)
Standing calf raises: 50# for 18 reps

I'm pleased with the effort and am really glad to have this program part of the Muscle Professor (MP) program at Club Lifestyle. The MP takes care of planning the workout and progresses the weights according to how I did on the previous workout - AWESOME!